True or False: It Will Happen When You Least Expect It

Hello, Love!

If you’re single and seeking love, you’ve definitely heard this line before:

“It’ll happen when you least expect it. Love will find you when you stop looking for it.”

Doesn’t feel very helpful, does it? That’s because it isn’t. At least not entirely. Let’s explore the truths and untruths behind the sentiment.

Why You Should Ignore It

Let me ask you a question. If you wanted a new job, would you stop looking for one? What about a new house? Or a car?

Of course not! You’d revamp your resume, hit the virtual job boards and do your research until you found what you were looking for. So why should dating be any different? It’s all about putting in the energy and effort to achieve your goals.

Don’t get me wrong, modern dating is a doozy. Ghosting and decision fatigue and avoidant attachment; oh my! On top of that, the dating apps make it really easy to sit back and put in minimal effort because it feels like there will always be another, better option right around the corner. However, when you stop putting in the work, you’re reactively selecting a partner, rather than actively choosing someone who really suits you.

So, how can you keep putting in the effort and dating with intention, while also avoiding dating burnout?

First things first, get clear on what you’re looking for in dating. Fun, casual dates? Long-term relationship? Life partner? There’s no wrong answer here; you just need to clarify your goals.

From there, figure out your boundaries, your needs, and your deal-breakers, and get good at communicating them. Stop entertaining dates who don’t align with your values or treat you the way you want to be treated. You deserve better than that.

Finally, make dating fun again! Especially in the early stages of dating, the most important thing to ask yourself is whether or not you enjoy spending time with someone. It’s much easier to enjoy yourself when you’re doing something fun that makes you feel like yourself.

Take action: Make the first move and invite your next match on a date that really showcases something you love. Whether you love fancy coffee, birdwatching, painting watercolors or playing arcade games, choose a spot that gets you stoked. Don’t be afraid of rejection – just because you aren’t everyone’s cup of tea doesn’t mean you should take yourself off the menu. Most people appreciate the effort regardless.

Why It Works

It pains me to say this because the “stop looking” sentiment feels pretty patronizing, but there are some reasons this works. Let me explain.

When you decenter dating, it shifts the focus back onto you, your interests, and your wellness. I’ve heard this from so many clients and friends. As soon as they decide to step away from dating, they fill their free time with activities, social gatherings, and hobbies that bring out their most vibrant and authentic selves —and that is incredibly attractive.

So, how can you bring some “stop looking” energy into your dating life?

Prioritize your current friendships. It’s so easy to let friendships fall by the wayside as soon as we find a sparkly new crush,but we spend time with our friends because they make us feel lovely, fabulous, and valued. They enrich our lives with their presence and by bringing new people and experiences into our periphery. Hold tight to your pals. They might even introduce you to some new cutie!

Prioritize yourself, your growth and your needs. You deserve to have a rich, diverse, fun life, and when you’re having fun, you attract more of that joyful energy into your life. Not to mention, a new hobby, travel destination, or daily routine means new communities and maybe some new love interests, too.

Take action: Have you been eyeing a new hobby? Dying to take that pottery class? Craving a solo vacation? Curious about a new self-care ritual? Go for it, babe! Now’s the time to invest in yourself and your life.

Find the Balance

If you take anything away from this post, let it be this: find the balance. If romance, partnership, or dating is a priority for you, make space for it. Just remember that making space for dating doesn’t mean making it the sole focus – keep living your incredible life with an open mind. There’s room enough for friends, love, hobbies and you, my dear.

Xoxo,

Stephanie

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